Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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