Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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