You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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