If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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