He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So much Jack, so little girl.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
