I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
