Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
