hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
