I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
