when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to make out with him forever
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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