i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
