you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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