there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize