What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize