So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
