A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
