I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
