Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
