I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
