did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
