11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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