I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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