How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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