I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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