I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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