i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
