yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
