dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
