Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
