just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
barbara walters just said penis...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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