Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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