a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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