2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
