i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
