Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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