Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need a burrito and a hug.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
