Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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