Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Come see our sink grown plant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize