when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
