do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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