ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
