i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
