If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
