The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize