Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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