Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
