You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
