You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
