What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize