When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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