so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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