So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
