So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
