It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
