Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
