Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
