marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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