a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
