I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize