I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize