Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
