Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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